The permission to come out and play
There’s an underlying, frenetic energy I feel at times to be productive. Be efficient. Get more done. Get shit done.
There are surely many dynamics — our personality, our upbringing, the culture we’re raised in, our astrological sign, that influence our relationship to productivity.
“Be efficient” is a trap I can easily fall into, especially when things at work get chaotic. At times, I can be in a flow state at work — getting to be creative, thoughtful, collaborative, and measured with what I’m creating.
At other times, when there’s a last-minute panic, a frantic pivot, or things are completely unorganized, I find myself locking down into a tight, rigid space.
It’s not often, but it’s those times when I get angry about what’s happening.
Why all of this chaos? This insanity again? This is a completely shit show! I’m pissed!
While those thoughts are swirling in my head, the anger gets lodged in my body. Instead of feeling the anger and letting it pass through, I hold onto it. I make it sit with me, like some twisted badge of honor.
It’s like I invite the anger to sit with me to prove a point. To whom? I have no idea. What am I trying to prove? The only thing that comes to mind is proving how much I am suffering. I am suffering the most because of everyone else’s chaos.
I’m becoming more aware of how this anger I choose to sit in affects others. I work from home and have a black cat named Liza. Lately, if she’s sitting on my bed or in her window perch, and I go into that angry state, she’ll go under the bed to her other napping spot.
I don’t blame her.
Sitting in the anger is a way I entrap myself. It drowns out all of my other emotions. In that state, I become reptilian; a cold-blooded functioning corpse. I don’t feel emotions. I can’t connect with others. I’m living my life from the neck up. All head/mind energy.
I recently listened to one of Glennon Doyle’s podcast episodes where Esther Perel was the guest. They discussed how we often live in a “space of efficiency”, to the neglect of joy and playfulness. We become so focused on the duties and productivity of life that we ignore what sweet moments could happen.
What’s the pathway out of this? When I’m in that place of anger or hyper-focused on productivity, I am the only one who can give me permission to step out of it.
Two points stood out from what they said:
Things will never be fully done. Whether it’s work or life, there is always more that could be done.
We have to be the ones to give ourselves permission to get into a playful space.
The moment and the situation isn’t what’s in charge of the headspace I’m in. That is up to me.
It’s about inviting myself outside the frenetic doing into a more light-hearted, playful space.
Josh, come out and play. Even if for a few seconds.
That in itself feels like a tall challenge. In childhood, it was asking our parents if we can go out and play. As adults, we’re the ones we need to ask. May we remember this when we’re mired in productivity-mindedness.